OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
