Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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