I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
last night I used snow as a chaser
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
