Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
