Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
