she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
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I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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