Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
