I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
the liver wants what the liver wants
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
