Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
