a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
How external is "for external use only"?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
