Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
