a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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