no, he came in my armpit
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize