I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
