literally had 100 drinks last night.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Randomize
