Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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