i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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