grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
