considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
