***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
