The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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