I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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