I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
