I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
