Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
