Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
