Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
