roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Such a big mess for such a small penis
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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