So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
