Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
