I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
