I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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