I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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