I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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