You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
4 words: hood of his car
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
