Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Pants are for mortals
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
