You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
