Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
