East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
