wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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