My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
