The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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