do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
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dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
