Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
