Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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