i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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