so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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