I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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