Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Your cock deserves a montage
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
