how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
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i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
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BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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