can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
