you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
