paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
