i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
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I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
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The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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