chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
