just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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