Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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