everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
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