i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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