when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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