Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
