Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
