its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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