Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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