what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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