I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
