my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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