Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i will never coherently bang her
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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