Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Gay?
German.
Pity.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
